I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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