My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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