Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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