Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
