Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
