I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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