thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
