I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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