ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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