see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Someone shit on the floor
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
