You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
