Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Shame - the story of my life.
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