Three words: puerto rican gang bang
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My vagina just clenched in fear
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
