WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
