Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
