Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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