The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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