Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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