im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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