Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
