My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize