She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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