She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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