Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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