??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
