Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
