It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
