what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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