If i come over, it means nothing
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
