are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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