i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
