I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
