I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
