fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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