I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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