yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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