White coat. Heels.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize