i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize