I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
