I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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