take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
