WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And then my night got REAL pukey
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
