mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i dont even know how to be here
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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