the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
