That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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