I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
