I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
