They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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