Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can I color on your dick again?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
