and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
