this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
