I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
MIDGETS
????
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
