Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
