my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
