dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
