So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
