I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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