Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
