he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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