The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
