he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
