If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
