some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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