I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize