cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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