you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
