I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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