I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
