nut hugger
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
