So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
