it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
