I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
