Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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