Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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