i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In other news, I just burned my penis
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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