I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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