were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We left the knife in your bed.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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