Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize