Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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