and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
