My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize