I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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