Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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