I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize