last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
