just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
