Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
