We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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