Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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