i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
