Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
