I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think your dad took our porno
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
