He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
