You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
