Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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