Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
