I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
