I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
