Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
