On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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