sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
